I thought moving to Pretoria would be boring, but this is great! Uncle Bob Mugabe is staying at the Sheraton Hotel, just over the road from us, spending his stolen hard-earned wealth, while expat Zimbabweans protest around the Union Buildings against his every breath. At the same time South Africans attempt to tear down a statue of Paul Kruger. And somewhere in the background, not receiving much attention, are the new, private jets that our selfless leader has purchased, for the good of South Africa. Who needs schools and clinics when you have a private jet?

We don’t need people to be educated and healthy. We just need them to be alive and gullible enough to place a “X” next to the face that blurts out the most appealing promises, no matter how ridiculous or impossible they really are.

South Africans are proud of the democracy that has been built over the past twenty years. However, those people do not understand the term “democracy”. South Africa was not a democracy pre-1994 and it is not a true democracy now. Argue all you want and you will still be wrong. Google it. For those without access to a computer; don’t worry, Jacob promised to fix that.

The removal of statues has become a circus. It has also become a racial issue instead of a moral one. White people protect the statues because they feel it is a part of their heritage. Black people want to remove the statues because of the oppression that those people caused or were a part of.

Fair enough. Cecil was an arsehole on a good day. Historically, he is unpopular with the Afrikaners and the Blacks. People have now invested time, effort and faeces into removing an inanimate object that resembles the man. The students at UCT disgraced themselves by throwing human excrement on a statue. Well done! They have just made him more famous than ever before! His memory will live on, thanks to the students from the “Rhodes Must Fall” campaign. Now Google “irony”.

His statue is gone, but his estate includes part of UCT and Kirstenbosch Gardens. We’re going to need an entire sewerage plant and more than one crane to remove that. There is also the Rhodes Scholarship Fund. Should we keep receiving his funding? Is it morally correct to accept money from such an evil man? What about Rhodes University in Grahamstown? Another product of Cecil’s estate. We can rename it, like all the roads in Pretoria, but he will always be a part of our history.

Three, educationally challenged men became a little too excited and jumped on the band wagon by vandalising the horse memorial in Port Elizabeth. The suspected EFF members have reinforced the ignorance of their party by breaking a statue dedicated to horses. Either they had no idea what the statue symbolised or the horse was a counter-revolutionary and did not deserve that bucket of water from the soldier. There is also the possibility that Julius just wanted some attention. There is even an inscription for Julius and his comrades to read.

THE GREATNESS OF A NATION
CONSISTS NOT SO MUCH IN THE NUMBER OF ITS PEOPLE
OR THE EXTENT OF ITS TERRITORY
AS IN THE EXTENT AND JUSTICE OF ITS COMPASSION

ERECTED BY PUBLIC SUBSCRIPTION
IN RECOGNITION OF THE SERVICES OF THE GALLANT ANIMALS
WHICH PERISHED IN THE ANGLO BOER WAR 1899-1902

Steve Hofmeyr poked the bear by writing a letter that highlighted his views of “us and them”. Although many of his points were valid, the last thing we need is for an influential person to provoke both sides of the conflict.

Some PEOPLE have certain opinions while other PEOPLE have opposing opinions. Not all blacks want statues of white men to burn. Not all whites care what happens to random pieces of sculpted metal standing in parks.

Throwing faeces at things we don’t appreciate will not solve problems caused in the past. Vandalising statues of dead men will only make South Africans angry. Whether you’re a boer or a black, you are South African. You’re either a part of the problem or you’re working towards a solution. If you expend energy fighting statues, I have bad news for you.